shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
