My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
