OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
