I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize