i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
