Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
