he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
