Say something about gay babies.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
