He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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