i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
