my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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