Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
one two three fourrrrnication!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
