Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
