i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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