you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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