Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
