I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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