so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So much rum. So many feels.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
