i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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