I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
