Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My life is pants optional.
Randomize