...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
