Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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