Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
