Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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