Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
