i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he fucked my hip out of place.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
