So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
