it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
