Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
