we have pet lesbian snakes
My friends, they love my intelligence
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
