This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
