It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
