literally had 100 drinks last night.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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