I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
