he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
