don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
