What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
