So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
