her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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