He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
