the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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