Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
