I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
whose ass print is on the piano?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
