I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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