And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
