He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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