Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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