I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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