You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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