No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
