so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
