Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
