I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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