Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
40s are totally the cure
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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