I seem to have left my pride at pride
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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