Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
