i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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