Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
