I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
