i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
