I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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