Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
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