Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
love makes seman taste better
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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