fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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