There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize