His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
