I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
