don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
