girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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