Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
