Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
