He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
