i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
