worst night to have a conscience
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
