so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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