get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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