Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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