sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
