meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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