moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
