saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
