I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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