i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
