you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
