WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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