I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
