Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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