I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
