If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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