Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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