i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize