I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
