I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you inspire me to be a worse person
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The uberlube is also flammable
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
