I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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