did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
