oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
