Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize