Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
smell my finger.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
