we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
