I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize