That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
