I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize