The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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