sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
